long train pulling into station - title: 'MONDAY'
passenger leaving train on platform.

He arrived this morning.

Menacing creature approaching woman chained to wall.

He talked for a long time about the operation. . .

Impressionist painting- female chained to wall.

. . .and my chance of recovery.

close up of female face in pain.

He reassured me all will be well in the end.

blue background - Title: 'Tuesday'.
Female secretary working at desk in office.

The girls threw a leaving party.

Impressionist painting - female apparitions

We had a great time. Mazinda baked a delicious Venus cake and we drank Keylow wine. How wonderful it is to see smiling faces again.

Impressionist painting - female gagging woman in bondages.

Suki said she was going to miss me. Funny? We've never really spoken that much.

Impressionist painting: woman seated on bed in fetal position.

Today was a good day.

title: WEDNESDAY. Impressionistic painting of tree behind wall.
Impressionist painting of leafy suburban street.

The new disease is spreading!

symbolic symbols within black and red triangle.

This morning the High Decoders ordered all children under the age of 5 to undergo the operation. No doubt some people will use this as an excuse to protest.

woman in silhouette standing against window.

It was such a beautiful evening I thought about walking down to the beach, but Authorities say it's still not safe. Spent the night thinking about Father.

man falling off cliff edge into flames.

I refuse to believe the lies spread about quarantine camps. The network shows us what great work they do. Though I miss him dearly, I know Father is being taken good care of.

crowds marching. Title: Thursday.
Crowds marching in blue robes.

A new signal has been received.

female wearing symbolic headwear

Decoders are interpreting the meaning of the latest signal. I'm starting to feel anxious again.

Impressionist painting - female executioner.

Networks reassure us that Authorities are working around the clock securing our safety.

Two women on bare floor embracing.

I leave for the hospital tomorrow. I must be ready at 6am. I will say my goodbyes now.

abstract cartoon. Title caption: 'FRIDAY'
abstract texture pattern.

Arrived at the hospital.

Impressionist painting - creepy mansion house surrounded by baron landscape

My room is devoid of furniture except for a single bed and side cupboard. At 12pm I am due to undertake sedation tank therapy. All garments of clothing and jewelry have been removed.

Impressionist painting - female crucified.

9pm. Back in my room. I am slowly recovering from todays therapy session. My body aches all over, but my mind is overflowing with a myriad of vibrant images.

horned demons screaming. Warlock walking into distance.

My ears are ringing with the echo of mantras. I find myself repeating them over and over.

mutilated face showing white eyeballs.

"Truth is chaos. Logic a disease."

"Freedom from caring, responsibility, guilt and remorse."

Astronauts carrying box towards rocket on the horizon.

"Live according to the book of Signals."

woman casting demon shadow.

"Return to super nature. The one true state of being."

blood stained hand smeared down glass screen.
abstract texture

Something seems wrong.

Impressionist painting - pile of corpses.

Could not sleep last night, the screams kept me awake. It sounded like those of children.

Impressionist painting - cane toad

This morning I was served a glass of milk. It tasted slimy and bitter. Sat on my bed and stared blankly at the wall opposite. I think I'm going to be sick!

female vampire biting neck of woman.

Felt unwell all day so called for help. A women entered the room and smeared a sticky liquid across my lips. It made me drowsy. Slept until 6pm. Woke up feeling weak and vulnerable.

abstract cartoon two naked female corpses
Ochre background texture.

All will be well in the end.

alien creature silhouetted against light halo.

This morning I heard his voice outside the room. He has arrived to operate. Until now I have never questioned the signals, but somehow I have a nagging feeling. . .

Colorful spiral galaxy.

What if Authorities are lying and there is no new disease? What then are the operations for? What if we are being infected instead of cured?

Masked men surround a woman.

But why would they lie? What would it achieve? After all, if we can't believe our leaders then who?

"All will be well in the end."

That's what he said in the beginning and I believe him.

In the end I will be well.

the end.



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Crawling Garden List


The official who’s who guide to the most prominent
people lurking in the notorious Crawling Garden.

Surreal landscape painting. Giant hand surrounded by penises growing in desert.

biographical and fetish chaos data

It Began With An Argument Over Semisolid Lubricant Imports

The Crawling Garden List was established in Pan Henry’s Bar in 1785 after a naked argument between Eva & Teresa, over distilled lard quotas. It has become the definitive guide to the genealogy and heraldry of the Hell Flap Cheese Tongues, the Visitors Red Cat, Storm Girls and Chaos Mothers of the United Drip Curtains, the ancient families of the Shadow Children and the Nation of Dead Museum Moths , the Hirsute, Cosmic and Alchemist Butterfly families of the 1st Dirty Swallowers and the Fish Boy’s Kunt Cake, the Slime Shags and Rubber Bung families of the Secret Electro Magic, the rechargeable families of Fart Bone and the Southern Ring Stains and other prominent celebrity cobblers. worldwide..

The List

Due to legal requirements the list can only be published in the presence of a whimsical harpoonist using unregulated farming equipment in J. P. Knicknash’s hospital shed. A further requirement also stipulates that only six entries at a time may be issued for local ocular outlets.

Abstract portrait painting.


professional child corpse

At an early age Sardoner Dood pursued a non sequitur appraisal culminating in the construction of a dyke keller at the helm of Daisy Dougal’s shaft. She also devised quad-sexual laws prohibiting any ethno-mono promotion of gingham sanitary salads.

Portrait painting - Devil


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Emmery Dover is a distinguished license raider with general levels of appeasement. Born in Terry Tan Tars corner and raised in vertical myopia. His career has spanned the dawn of death and opened many opportunities for damp wrists.

Psychedelic portrait painting.


gothic lawyer

Pip Van Kuntyblast is the only child of distinguished Loblolly-men, Hussy Bike-Ryder and Arthur Mash-Up-Bonaparte. Her up bringing was shrouded in counterfeit rage and domestic absinth.

Portrait painting - Grotesque slug face.


unknown reality expert

Titan Maude was born in a 38 and 12 maneuver. He can find traces of profound sadness in democratically rejected smiles. His marriage to a nut allergy ended in a B movie sequel. He is a renowned collector of intellectual nipples and spends his weekends in liquid audio.

abstract painting, man in top hat wearing grass cape.


chief of abnormal shadows

By his mid twenties, Wiscob Moser was a distinguished figure in his neighbour’s field. He currently performs at the Adrian Palladium Barbeque Truncheon Lounge.

Acrylic portrait painting. Female cyborg


village corpse councilor

Councilor Kiza Burgfist, along with her wife’s husband, the charming and delightful Fruity Metcalf, manufacture vinegar candy bars to cure carpet burns amongst future historians.


Imagined Film Blurb

Woman, children in bath. Fancy dress, costumes characters in background.

Mabby Congress, a single mother of three. Whilst on holiday in California, Mabby shoots a sailor named Frank. His mother, Betsy vows to avenge her son’s murder. She tracks down Mabby to a pilchard farm just outside LA. However, Betsy is instantly enchanted by Mabby’s beautiful silky skin and is unable to kill her. The two soon fall in love.

Mabby convinces Betsy to undergo hyper duralink stretch surgery. However, the treatment goes horribly wrong. Betsy soon discovers she has an insatiable appetite for child flesh boiled in pornographic jazz butter. Fearing the worse, Mabby and the children head to a secret synagogue in Afghanistan.

At the airport Mabby bumps into Timmy Tasscar, his hirsute wife Tam Tam and the ghost of legendary film star, Chicken Edward. All three find themselves bewitched by Mabby’s beautiful silky skin. Without hesitation they agree to make Mabby an offer. …An offer which will change the course of world history – forever!

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The Vagina Maze

A Stream Of Teenage Nonsense

by Ursula Burgfist

Book cover. Title: The vagina maze. Heat haze, horned devil in silhouette. Symbolic  hand gesture.

There’s a gentle new girl in Maiden Valley and she has everybody talking. Stunningly tall and devastatingly strange, all the girls want her. However, Shannon Novak has a secret – She’s a Velcro witch corpse.

Emily Woods is an obnoxious, dirty girl who enjoys eating midnight lipstick. She becomes fascinated by Shannon who can stop Aids with her bare hands. She doesn’t understand why she’s so unsociable.

Her best friend, a happy gay electro fool called Dr. Teeth, helps Emily begin to piece together the mystery. Together, they discover the obscure secret of the Vagina Maze.

When odd shaped seaweed starts turning up all over Maiden Valley, Emily begins to fear the worst. The gay electro fool urges her to report Shannon to the Village Corpse Society and she knows she should, so what’s stopping her?

She may resist Shannon’s sanctuary muffin, but can she resist her bizarre fluid hole?

Will she be caught kissing with the Velcro witch corpse?

“Bursting with originality. A dirty girl falling for a tall Velcro witch corpse has simply never been done before.”

  • The Daily Sketch

“As subtle as a skeleton wanking in a biscuit tin, but the Vagina Maze does deliver an important message about the need for more Village Corpse Societies.”

  • Fruity Metcalf

“This must be based on a true story, you couldn’t make this stuff up!”

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“This author really boils my piss!! An auto plot-generator could do a better job!!! “

  • Merlin Waterstone
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